


Tourniquet

by Bufftat_Junkie, Kelseyqueen96



Category: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and Rey, Rey and Ben Solo - Fandom, Reylo - Fandom, Set after TLJ - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Has No Chill, Armitage Hux Hates Kylo Ren, Ben Solo - Freeform, Bendemption, Blood and Violence, Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, Complicated Relationships, Emperor Kylo Ren, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Episode 9, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, F/M, Falling In Love, Finn/Rose - Freeform, Force Bond, Force Bond (Star Wars), Intense, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Rey - Freeform, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Multi, POV Rey (Star Wars), Poe - Freeform, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redemption, Rey - Freeform, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey/Kylo Ren Fluff, Reylo - Freeform, Rise of Skywalker, Romance, Rose - Freeform, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Snoke - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Trippy, Violence, ben solo and rey - Freeform, dark side, finn - Freeform, force awakens, post last jedi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2020-10-29 16:59:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20799932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bufftat_Junkie/pseuds/Bufftat_Junkie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelseyqueen96/pseuds/Kelseyqueen96
Summary: “Is that why you came? To tell me about my conflict?”Deflection and derision, she had the control now.“No!” She closed the space between them, allowing him to tower over her. “Look at me. Ben.”He turned at the sound of the name he’d been born with, the one he’d abandoned. She got him.“When we touched I saw your future,” she told him. “Just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke." She couldn't help but get closer to him, for the first time in her life she didn't feel alone.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Kylo Ren, the supreme leader of the galaxy, has vanished. Rey now finds herself caught in the middle of a galactic scale manhunt for the masked leader. She will have to choose between her companionship with the Resistance and her growing affection for the fallen Jedi. Her choices will tie the tourniquet around her soul.Slow Burn Reylo Story! Post Last Jedi that fixes Episode 9





	1. Chapter 1

**The Ember**

_ " _ _ Work hard through this broken life _

_ high hopes it'll be alright. _

_ Beat down, but I'm still alive, _

_ hold on for another fight." _

** _"Alone with Nothing" - Smile Empty Soul _ **

  
_Close your eyes...._

A chill goes up her spine as another drop of sweat rolls down her cheek. Her mind is penetrating the forest, weaving through the minds of all living things that surround her. The birds soaring through the sky, the bugs crawling in the mud under her feet, the death and decay - that feeds new life. Warm, cold, peace, and violence; she can feel it all, but that's not what she is looking for. The pebbles start floating around her as she begins to narrow her vision and focus her power, among the living she searches for the unnatural. The Force will be her guide.

Quickly, the lightsaber escapes her palm before she can even open her eyes, the blade spinning and cutting through the trees as it seeks her target. The Marksman-H training remote sweeps to the right dodging the saber and avoiding its destructive fate. Rey quickly summons the reconstructed weapon back to her, trying to destroy the remote at the same time, but no luck. Unfortunately, the only thing the blade actually sliced through was another helpless tree before it returned to hand of its owner.

Trapping the ancient weapon inside of its hilt, all Rey can do is stare into the now open forest. The trees, which have become victims of training, now surround her as they now rest on the dirt floor. Her eyes are now locked with the training remote floating in sight, just humming around as if it was mocking her existence. Her jaw clenches and she turns away; _ 'damn it' _the words echo in her mind. The hollowness of defeat that she actively tries to avoid is starting to creep in again. She can’t believe she failed again, after all the hours of training and mediation she had put in over the last few years. She should be getting stronger and wiser and yet she can’t even hit the damn training remo-

"I believe that’s enough for today."

That sentence has forced Rey back into reality as her eyes quickly turn to her Master. Leia had not moved an inch since the training had started this morning; she was still resting on the on the same rock with both hands on her cane in front of her - with her iconic smile shining through the forest present on her face.

"You must be careful Rey; you will over work yourself again."

Rey nods as she tilts her back to stretch her spine from the hours of training; Leia had become an amazing Jedi master, but not because of her abilities in the Force. In truth, Rey had long surpassed Leia's limited knowledge of the Force in overall strength and ability. What Leia is able to do, however, is humanize all of it for the young 21-year-old, to be able to relate to what she is feeling constantly in her everyday life. This goes deeper than her Jedi training, the bond has seamlessly flowed into helping her learn how to live and function in today’s galaxy. Leia has become the person Rey needs most, someone who challenges her, but also provides the belonging that the abandoned orphan truly needed from Skywalker and what she thought and believed she needed from.... him.

"I should have had it."

It isn’t anger or frustration that creeps into Rey's voice with that statement, it is disappointment. Leia can’t help but put her hand on Rey’s shoulder once the young woman stands in front of her. The last two years have been nothing but training, mediation, translating the old Jedi Texts with C-3PO, and her responsibility within the Resistance. Leia wishes she could do more, she craves to help Rey become the Jedi she wants to be, but all she can do is guide.

"You have to rest dear, if you don’t, I promise you - there won’t be any trees left."

Jokes... She still has jokes. Rey can’t stop the small, enigmatic smile that’s now escaping onto her face. After everything that has happened to Leia in the last two years: losing her husband to her own son, the Resistance fighting a war that doesn't look winnable, and the passing of her own brother; she still finds a way to make a joke. It’s this unshakable resolve and leadership that keeps the Resistance alive, keeps them fighting against the First Order. It’s one of the reasons Rey is pushing so hard to complete her training. Leia, along with Finn, Chewie, Rose, and Poe, are her family now; she won’t let anything happen to them. The Resistance is her home, and she has to protect it from....

The emptiness strikes at her heart, why does she have to feel this void whenever he inevitably comes into her thoughts? It had been two years since the battle of Crait, two years since she was offered the Galaxy, and two years since those black jaded eyes antagonized her soul. It was hard to accept what had happened in the weeks following their last encounter, his words were weaponry in that throne room.

**_'You come from nothing. You're nothing'_ **

He overwhelmed her mind, made her feel so small, and weak. They had cut each other off after their minds clashed together on Crait. Both going out of their way to keep the bond closed and to not let anything slip through. Maybe it was because of their hatred for each other, maybe it was because they both had the hunger to end each other, or maybe it’s the underline disappointment of how everything turned out. Either way, part of her still craves the bond and how it felt, how he felt. His presence in their bond was always the same deep sensation - an uncontrollable tidal wave that would crash against her mind that would leave her begging for one last breathe before being followed by one overlaying touch that rocked her to the core. The **cold**...

**_'but not to me'_ **

She had her chance to hand deliver him to the front door of nothingness that day. The image of her standing over his unconscious body now creeps into her mind. Both of them being circled by the fire dancing around the bloodbath of red armor that forged them together. Having picked up a vibro-blade, she couldn't help but hear the poisonous words of the dark side, telling her to end Ben’s fragile life. It would be easy! He would never know; two of the three snake heads of the First Order would be gone. She stared blankly at his body; there was a war inside of him, and she was a fool to not have just sat back and watched it silently. Any idiot was able to see that he had killed any hope that could be left - he has shown her the path he would walk; it does truly seem like Ben is gone and replaced by a man starving for power. The thing was, it was not her place to decide his fate. She had almost made the same mistake Skywalker had made, choosing the boy’s fate when Ben’s destiny was not yet sealed. Dropping the blade Rey decided that she would learn from Skywalker's failures and faults; at least that's the excuse she gave for not ending him.

Skywalker...

She hasn’t heard from the old Jedi since she had left the island on Ach-To to chase her ludicrous vision. Leia told her that it is possible for him to communicate with her from beyond the grave, but no such luck. She held out hope for over a year, her and Leia both, but Luke hasn’t made any contact since the day he saved the Resistance. Not realizing that she had been locking eyes with the Skywalker in front of her; Rey can’t help but turn her attention to the dirt underneath them. The thought of Luke only brings back the disappointment of today’s training and makes her mind burn with questions.

“I wish Luke were here.”

Rey didn’t realize that the thought had been spoken; only processing that the sentence was spoken out loud when the General took a step back in surprise. Instantly, regret was setting in.

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mea- “

She doesn’t even have time to finish her apology before Leia embraces her and all the emotions that she is feeling. It is obvious, at this point, that Rey will never get to meet her mother or to feel the warmth of a loving parent. Her heart aches at night as she desires the need to fill that gap in her soul; Needless to say that Leia’s affection will always be welcomed.

As Leia pulls away, she cups the cheek of the young warrior in front of her. It wasn’t so long ago that Leia was the one taking action and leading the revolution that would shape the stars like no other. She can’t help but feel nostalgic when she is with the young Jedi; it’s easy to vicariously relive the glory days through Rey. Leia isn’t foolish however, she knows that Rey’s call to battle is on a much higher playing field. Call it destiny or chance, the Force has chosen Rey in this time of need. The only thing Leia can do now is support the young woman as much as she can; even if she isn’t qualified to do so.

“It’s alright - I miss him too.”

Leia wasn’t able to sense Luke’s last trick with the Force. Seeing her brother appear out of nowhere was breathtaking enough, but it had felt as if he was truly with them. Her belief was like everyone’s else, Luke Skywalker was here, until he placed what should have been a goodbye kiss on her forehead; only than did she discover his true power and plan. Leia couldn’t help but still be amazed by the capability of the Force itself. Whenever it feels like she has a true understanding of the universe, a stone will be tossed at her ideology.

** _‘No one’s ever really gone.’_ **

The Resistance was burning out; an ember in the cold eternal light, but Luke lit the spark! He passed the torch; in that very moment he became the legend so many have heard whispers about. His actions helped rebuild the Resistance and gave the galaxy another myth that ignited the hope within. His last words to her were deliberate to say the least; her son was still out there, somewhere, and Luke would always be with her... or at least that’s what she thought.

As they walk back to the transporter, Leia allowed her mind to drift off to the fantasies that could have been: Luke Skywalker's new order of Jedi with his nephew, her pride and joy, leading the charge against the offspring of the Empire. Her husband coming up with damn near suicidal plans only to have Chewie give Leia his vote of confidence; followed by that undeniable smirk by the man she loved. As Rey makes her way into the cockpit, Leia having already found her seat, reached out and tried to search for her brother. Unfortunately, she was only met with his absence.

_ 'Luke... where are you?' _

————————————————————

The Resistance was lucky to make it to Ithor; The planet's natural forest environment shields their base along with the new cruisers they have gained since the battle on Crait. The base itself is built inside an old mine that had been abandoned for some time; It didn’t take long for the Resistance to start expanding upon from what was left. Exploring their new base made the inner scavenger in Rey delighted and it served as a well-timed distraction she needed. The first couple of months working on the base were truly the only time that Kylo and Luke didn't bleed into her thoughts; making it is easy to wake up early and help the crew start wiring the base or to volunteer to help dig out rooms. It can be as simple as moving supplies or as complex as fixing a damaged X-wing; any diversion was welcomed with open arms. Once done, the base became something to be proud of. It was multiple levels deep with a tunnel format similar to what the Rebels used on Hoth; hard for any first order scanners to find them. It has truly become the home of the Resistance, but not Rey's home. Once everything was finished, she still found herself sleeping in the Falcon outside of the base it inhabits.

The Falcon...

Leia is already making her way towards the entrance of the base; allowing Rey time to decide to pay her ship and co-pilot a visit. As she makes her approach to the Falcon, a small giggle escapes her lips as she sees the Wookiee wearing welding goggles that are way too small for his large head. The Kashyyyk native is trying to install the new radar dish; way too focused on the task to have noticed Rey's arrival. Rey walked up and allowed herself touch her ship...her ship? It feels abnormal; she still can’t really process the fact that Chewbacca had willingly abdicated captaincy of the Falcon to her or that she has been living out of it for two years. This legendary smuggler ship that went on to become one of the faces of the rebellion and the base of operations for the remaining members of the Resistance after Crait. So much of the galaxy's history has happened with the Falcon leading the charge, this ship, is what the young Jedi calls home every night.

Rey may have been observing the Falcon a bit too hard, because she didn’t noticed that Chewie had finished his task. Enormous hairy arms wrap around Rey from behind, lifting her off the ground, followed by what sounds like a chuckle from the Wookiee. Rey's dimpled smile quickly erupts into laughter as her arms are swinging from her body until the hairy giant places her gently back on the ground. Turning to meet her friend, she can sense the joy that Chewie has to see that her smile reaches her eyes; she gives the Wookiee a good pat behind the shoulder.

"Thanks, buddy."

Chewie places his hand in her hair and gives it a good shuffle. Their loving friendship has gotten stronger over the last two years. For a while it was only Chewie and herself going on supply runs as the Falcon was the only ship the Resistance had. Nothing can strengthen friendship more than having to work together to pilot a ship in combat... while expect for—

_ 'Damn it.’ _

That fucking bond is starting fade into her thoughts again. Why can’t she have one day without thinking of him? Rey turns to face the entrance of the base, shielding her face from the Wookie as he places his arm around her. Chewie is the only one who knows of the bond between herself and the Supreme Leader. She has abominated the idea of keeping secrets, but what choice does she have? For about a year, not even Chewie knew of her shrouded life. After an entire year, Rey just couldn't contain the close-mouthed lie any longer! The heaviness in her heart only made her wish that she could scream for help, but it was always followed by guilt that was devouring her conscience. The sad part is that she didn't willing tell the Wookiee; he only found out through her drunken mistake. Rey had discovered Han's hidden stash of drinks on their way home from a mission. The taste was bitter and horrendous, the bottles themselves older than 10 years, but still better than the offensive drinks on Jakku. All Rey wanted to do was drown her misunderstandings and mistakes, it was her fault Luke was gone, that the Resistance was almost destroyed. She wanted to forget her past and desires, but most of all she wanted to shatter the chains that linked her to that vile man.

Regret attacked her soul when the relationship slipped out; she was certain that Chewbacca would be furious! The man that killed his best friend and destroyed the lives of not just his loved ones, but thousands in the galaxy; she is linked to him. The colossal creature was quiet at first as he stared Rey in the eyes - when Han was killed by the fallen son; he had chosen to put his trust in a gifted girl like Han had, so that support wasn't going to change. The Wookiee told her that he wouldn't share her secret and that he would always be her co-pilot and protector; just like he had when she went looking for the man behind the myth of Luke Skywalker and when she mistakenly decided that Kylo was more than just a masked monster. Afterwards, she thought Chewie knowing would help her be free of the dark withhold that came from this abstrusity.

The guilt never faded.

She told herself that it would pass in time. She felt guilty before, and she would again someday. It was only natural, but in the past the guilt would sober up and transform into something bright and mature. Rey just had to accept that as long this bond existed; she would always be imprisoned with the feelings of treachery and anxiety. One mistake and the bond could open up and expose the Resistance; she thought about running away and going back to the sinkhole of Jakku. She almost did it once, just flying off and never looking back, but she didn't want to lose the ties that she had formed in the last two years. It was absurd to her how desperately she tries to keep her distance from everyone, yet is afraid to break the closeness she has formed with her friends. The idea of complete isolation is burden that she doesn't want to experience every again; the overwhelming anxiety that comes from that fear stops her from returning to Jakku. This damn stupid bond; It has complete authority over her life, she can’t even tell her best frie-

"REY!"

The voice of the former trooper is always her favorite to hear. As Finn begins running up to them, Chewie decides that its best to get back to work on Falcon as the two friends share another reunion. They don't get the opportunity to see each other that much: With Rey working on her Jedi training, and Finn going on recruiting missions for the Resistance; they must savor the small moments they have with each other. The Wookiee knows how crucial Finn is to Rey, he was her first real friend; it was the first time someone thought of her feelings before their own. Finn had been the doorway that allowed Rey to not only break the mold that suffocated her soul, but to escape the shithole of her home planet, to know there was more to her and this galaxy than she knew.

It has been four long weeks since she has seen her best friend. Finn has truly stepped up in a leadership role since Crait, and Rey wouldn’t be surprised to see Finn on the council for the Resistance in a few more months. Finn has become the the main recruiter for the cause, he has made it his personal aspiration to turn as many stormtroopers as he can against the First Order. On his most successful journey, he was able to start an uprising within one of the First Orders outposts on the nearby planet of Borleias. The expression on Poe's face when Finn returned with over 500 stormtroopers ready to shed their armor and join the battle versus the First Order was priceless.

Rey's arms reach out to welcome the embrace Finn is offering, “when did you get back?"

Pulling back from the hug, Finn makes sure to look his dearest friend in the eye before speaking.

"Just a few minutes ago. Rose told me that she saw you and Leia had just come back from training."

Rose and Finn have become serious in the last two years. Rey would never forget how Finn could not stop pacing until Rose had woken up. The first couple of weeks were tense for the three of them, as Rey could sense that Rose had been envious of her and had suspicions of her relationship with the former trooper. Rey was glad that their relationship blossomed into something distinguished and unique, it was nice to see two people find their way through the galaxy together. Rey knew it was something she was never going to be able to experience; being that close and open to someone else.

"Well I'm glad you made it back in once piece." giving a lit punch to his shoulder."

"Have you eaten yet? I am gonna meet Poe in the mess hall, want to come?”

————————————————————

Sometimes Rey wonders if her portion bread was better or worse than what the mess hall serves. There are moments where the food is like fine dining for Jakku native; the other times however, it is like she never left Jakku at all. Today's sorry excuse for a soup is the latter.

"And boom! With one shot, I took both of them down."

She can’t deny that Poe's war stories are at least keeping the meal entertaining. The fly boy might be a bit egotistical, but he has charisma for days. It’s easy to see why so many consider him now second in command and why so many willingly follow him into battle.

All Finn can do is shake his head "Nah, man. That’s why I stay on the ground."

Rey hasn’t really contributed to the conversation other than a few nods. To be honest, since entering the mess hall, she has started to feel fatigued; even with the conversation going on, she has mostly been playing with the soup with her spoon. 'Was it the training?' Rey has been aggressive and forceful in the past with her training, maybe Leia was right, and she overdid herself again. What was worrisome however was that this felt different, it was untypical of the previous times that she drained herself. This time it is only getting worse; she can feel sweat starting to form on her forehead, trying to wipe it off without Poe and Finn noticing.

Suddenly, she no longer hears the laughs of her male companions. Shock hits her body when she looks up and discovers that conversation is still going on; the mouths of both Poe and Finn are moving, but there is no sound. With a panic Rey shoots up from the table studying the room and seeing that everyone is still speaking with their fellow friends at their respective table. It is at this point that both Finn and Poe notice something is wrong, but Rey is unresponsive to their calls nor does she realize that they are trying to get her attention. She tries to tell her friends that she can't hear, that she doesn't know what it going on, but the words never leave her lips. The terror is now escalating and she needs help, she begins to reach out in the force for master, Leia would know what to do.

A sudden, intense spike of pain than strikes the right side of her abdomen; dropping the young Jedi to the floor. She couldn't catch her breath and could feel intense heat from her stomach as her warm blood was now pouring out of the open wound; leaking across her body. Quickly, she applies pressure on the wound with her left hand, clutching her ribs to stop the blood only to feel.... nothing?

No wound, no blood, no tear or hole in her tunic, nothing at all... just an ungodly amount of pain!

_'What the hell is happening?_

She didn't have time to think, she had to reach the medical bay, Poe and Finn were by her side now trying to help her back on her feet; still trying to communicate with her. Her vision is starting to go to black, the pain in her side is only growing, but she powered through with the help of her friends to get back on her feet.

**SLASH******

The pain unexpectedly has now shifted to her right leg, forcing Rey to lose her balance again. It felt like someone had used a knife to cut across her leg, just like when the Praetorian Guard gifted her the scar on her arm. The gash felt bottomless, as if someone had attempted to cut off her leg, but it was the same as her stomach.

There was nothing.

Everything is now going numb, she knows Finn is now shaking her body, trying to get her to respond. Her mind feels light, but it feels like the weight of the galaxy is crashing on her shoulders. Is she dying? Is she being punished for her sins. 

That’s when she feels it

It has been two whole years, but she knows what it is. 

The **Cold…**

A blast now hits her left shoulder; sending her flying accross floor, knocking her unconscious.

—————————————————————

‘**_You are just a child… in a mask’_ **

The first thing Rey feels is the chilly air dancing across her skin only to be followed by the sharp pain running through her body. Her eyes blink quickly to adjust to the brightness of the room. Its obvious now that she is in the medical bay, the room hums with the efficiency of machines as the lights fixtures shake above her head. Rey looks around to find she is the only thing in the room, not even a medical droid stands against the wall where one might expect it.

_ ‘_ _What was that voice?’ _

The thought had to be ignored, she had to find the others. As she tries to sit up, her abdomen spikes with pain; the young Force user looks down to see a series of wrappings around her body. Thankfully whoever addressed the issue was kind enough to wrap her in a way to maintain her decency and privacy. Without hesitation, Rey started to tear and rip the wrappings off of her body in a violent matter, she had to know, she had to see it for herself.

Her heart sank has her fears became true - There were no wounds. How could this be happening? How could her body be lying to herself? Could the Force be doing this? Could it be this the bond? Could it be him? She needed answer, she needed Leia. It was time to tell her master of the bond she shares with her fallen son, it might be the only way to discover what was going on. With some great difficulty, Rey is able to swing her legs around to hang from the bed. Her eyes located a nearby IV pole that wasn't being used, taking a deep breath, she summoned the pole to her. The pain was now shooting through her body even more instantly as her arm was extended, waiting for the pole with its small four wheels to slide over into her hand. Her breaths are shallow but she pushes through, almost collapsing as the Pole reaches her. Using the it as her support, she begins shuffling around the empty med bay. She is able to find a medical gown and hangs that over her naked upper half, making it a bit warmer in the chilly, tiled room.

“Dammit! Where is everyone?” Rey speaks aloud to nobody in particular.

Luckily she has now found a pair of crutches, making the young warrior a lot more mobile, her mind, however, is still a dizzy, aching mess. With much difficulty and at a Hutt’s pace, Rey makes her way to the nearest security station that she can remember. A bustling noise can be heard down the hall, seemingly coming from the mess hall of all places. With continued difficulty and a continued sharp pain in her side, Rey makes her way down the hall and through the automatic doors where it looks as though everyone on base is surrounding a large central holo-projector. The voice of one the First Order leaders, the red haired general in fact, is speaking to some form of crowd. 

“Kylo Ren is dead!”

As the room fills with gasps and murmurs, Rey’s ears start ringing and her stomach is now tightening. Her lungs become empty and Rey drops to her knees with a thump that causes a few people, Leia included, to turn around. Tears begin to build, the words from the enemy have left Rey speechless. 

_'Ben?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Bufftat_Junkie for being a great co-writer and letting me know what ideas are shit and what isn't. He wrote the ending scene perfectly.
> 
> Special thanks to deadlikemoi and SpaceWaffleHouseTM for being amazing beta readers.
> 
> Let us know what you think! See you in chapter 2!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thorns of Failure**

_“I shouldn't even bother_

_Because you made me so complete dear_

_But you left me so alone here_

_Hang a noose for my new sinner _

_somewhere everyone can see it”_

** _“Beg” - Evans Blue_ **

  


_ “I’ll take that.” He extended his hand for her. _

_ She held the lightsaber appraisingly for a moment, to remind him that she was the one who had set this chain of events in motion. He had to have known she was the one in the escape pod when she landed, for it was clear he could sense her presence just as she had sensed him the moment his father’s junk-heap freighter heaved itself out of hyperspace. She didn't fight or argue when he gave the gesture for his troopers to bind her wrists but she didn't let them take the saber; she just turned and followed the man she had come for, quickening her pace to match his long strides, not wanting to be seen scurrying to keep up. He hadn’t said a word to her until that point, standing in front of the lone turbolift, the walk here was filled with anxiety for the troopers. The situation had made their hearts race, they couldn’t fit into the lockstep of their training regimens, as they were shot through with fear—not of her but of the mercurial and unpredictable nature of him. _

_ “It belongs to me!” the words bounced off the walls, echoing across the room, as if his demand wasn't loud enough. The temptation to tell him to try and take it grew in her mind. It was clear that he was playing mind games with her, wanting her to submit to him and willingly place the saber in his hand, as if he were the master and she was his student. Things had changed. She wasn’t the young woman he’d kidnapped on Takodana or the one he confronted on Starkiller Base. Not anymore. _

_ "Strange how it came to me..." Her eyes studied the ancient weapon almost idly before snapping her gaze back to him. “And not to you.” The stormtroopers shifted uneasily, and he wasn’t able to stop the frown as he pushed his reach out a little further, his scarred face momentarily uncertain. That scar. He would bear the mark of that duel forever. Truthfully she hadn't really noticed it until this point, not even when their hands... _

_ She held the hilt out to him, apologetically. She didn't come here to match his ego or to get in a war of words. They both knew why she was here. His turmoil all but filled the Force around them, roiling and churning it. The troopers weren’t able to sense it the way they could, but that wasn’t the same as saying they couldn’t sense it all—they were part of life and the Force, and couldn’t help but be affected on some level. He looked lost. He wasn't expecting her to attack him in such a way, nor was he expecting her to care that she had touched on a sore subject. _

_ "I'm in no position to dictate.” She decided to break the silence in the room, giving him the permission to take what he believed was his. He snatched it away, quickly focusing in on the hilt itself. She was surprised to have felt his amusement of how heavy the family saber actually was. _

_ "Search her." _

_ “That isn’t necessary!” she growled back. _

_ “It is,” he said as he made sure to lock eyes with his new prisoner. “We have an appointment." _

_ The corner of his mouth twitched and started the beginnings of a smile, and he inclined his head at the soldiers who began frisking her down in search for anything she might have. There they were again, his usual mind games and tactics. He was trying to make her uncomfortable, trying to get any advantage he could find. _

_ "Nothing, sir." _

_ That corner smile had twisted into a full on grin. "Except this,” he lifted the hilt in front of them both. _

_ "I recall you stating that it was yours." She was flashing her own grin now. "I was just returning it." _

_ His black-gloved fingers shot out and grabbed her arm as he pulled her into the turbolift, dismissing the guards angrily as the doors closed. _

_ Alone at last. _

_ He was still contemplating the lightsaber in his hands. His presence in the Force was also starting to change, the unnatural tidal waves that had always been out of control were now evaporating into pure fear. _

_ She nodded upward. “Snoke?" It came across as a question, but he knew it was more of a statement. "You don’t have to do this.” _

_ “I do.” His response was cold and quick. She was able to feel that within all of the dismay, he was trying to conceal his thoughts about something. She tried to force her way in, but his shields blocked her out. _

_ “I feel the conflict in you." She turned to finally face him, “It’s tearing you apart.” _

_ “Is that why you came? To tell me about my conflict?” _

_ Deflection and derision, she had the control now. _

_ “No!” She closed the space between them, allowing him to tower over her. “Look at me. Ben.” _

_ He turned at the sound of the name he’d been born with, the one he’d abandoned. She got him. _

_ “When we touched I saw your future,” she told him. “Just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke." She couldn't help but get closer to him, for the first time in her life she didn't feel alone. _

_ "You will turn—I’ll help you. I saw it." It came out like a whisper but it could not have been any louder between them. She was now speaking from the heart. This was more than some vision or destiny, She had finally found someone that felt the way she did. Someone who was chained to the same loneliness, they only needed each other, they could rebuild Luke's Jedi order together and they would never have to be alone again. _

_ She was being selfish, but for once she wanted to be selfish. She watched the emotions chase themselves across his face, echoed by jitters and spikes in the Force. Anger. Regret. Confusion. Pain. Longing. Sorrow. Passion. Affection. Then he lifted his eyes to hers. _

_ “You’re wrong,” Kylo said. “When we touched I saw something, too. Not your future—your past. And because of what I saw, I know that when the moment comes, you’ll be the one to turn. You’ll stand with me. Rey, I saw who your parents were.” _

_ Rey stared at him, but there was no lie in Kylo’s eyes. Then he allowed her to enter his thoughts, past the part he had been shielding from her scavenger hands and a terrifyingly beautiful feeling entered in her mind: Kylo’s fearful emotions weren’t just about himself. They were also about her... _

________________________________

Rey doesn’t even notice that the medical droid is starting the scans until she feels its bone-chilling bionic touch. How can she; she doesn't even realize where she is until C-3PO tells her. The only thing that is really voyaging the sea of her consciousness is the announcement about the former Supreme Leader of the galaxy.

** _Former..._ **

He is really gone, isn’t he? The image of his master’s throne engulfed by the scorching flame they had created circled in her mind. Even if it was for the briefest moment, Rey had the authority over his life; and yet even then she had never had the perception or thought of a moment where he was bereft of life. 

The death of Kylo is not Hux's only monstrous announcement, however. Everything that happened in the throne room has also just been exposed to the galaxy, painting Ren as the traitor who helped the Resistance's Jedi kill Snoke. The redheaded extremist knows how to work the audience, after declaring the death of the "Resistance's varmint collaborator", he ends his speech by proclaiming himself the new leader of the galaxy. The crowd eats it up.

Rey can’t stop the emotions that have been leaking into her heart. The inner nature of being mournful with disillusion are battling the anger and resentment that are trying to creep in. She finally understands what he felt, she is being torn in two. She can’t comprehend why she is being haunted with these emotions. 

When she made the choice to go for the hilt of her saber and not accept his offer, it was over. Her vision was wrong and Kylo Ren consumed Ben Solo. In that moment, they severed not just the saber but the trust they had built because Ben Solo didn't choose her life over his master. Kylo Ren had manipulated and exploited her to exceed Snoke. 

Luke is right in the end, it did not go the way she expects, but it doesn't matter. Kylo is gone, the war will end quickly now, and the galaxy will be in a better place. She should be delighted! Yet her soul is surrounded by the bitterness of disappointment and frustration. 

"Thank the Maker," C-3PO can’t help but throw his gold plated mechanical arms in the air. "This is wonderful news, master Rey. The general will be most pleased." It must be obvious that Rey has been absent-minded since reentering the med bay, because the outdated 2-1B surgical droid is staring at the Jedi until she turns her gaze to him.

"As previously stated," he turns his attention to his fellow gold plated droid, "all her vital signs appear normal, and the scans show that there is no internal damage."

_ 'Then why does it feel like I'm dying?! _'

It is like they hear her mental cry as both droids are studying her profile, waiting for her response. She doesn't understand any of this or the painful sensation that comes with it. She honestly can’t decide what is worse; the unmanageable irritation her body is feeling, or the gaping void of hollowness in her heart. 

Thankfully Chewie comes to save Rey from the two droids and their overbearing eyes. Her faithful companion has been waiting outside the room so that he can take Rey back to the Falcon to rest. The idea of being in her own bed away from everyone else seems to be a better option than staying in the med bay all day.

As Chewie picks her up in a sort of bridal carry, Rey curls up against his soft fuzzy chest to avoid contact with anyone on the way to her ship. It doesn't matter. She can still feel everyone’s eyes piercing her skin as their ideas fill the room like sweet smoke from their Dilnlexan cigars. Their malicious talk is no higher than a whisper protecting its secrets, but Rey can hear all those secrets.

_ “Isn’t it obvious!? I think she has been working with the First Order the whole time.” _

_ “No, I bet she was just his little toy.” _

The speculation and slander feel as if small blades are scratching and scraping against her skin, exposing her to the vicious and insulting attacks on her character. The gossip is expanding beyond just the topic of herself, she can feel all the satisfaction and anger building in the room. If the conversation isn’t about her loyalty to the First Order, then the gossip is simply a celebration of the death of Kylo Ren. It is unbearable to her.

_ “I hope his death wasn’t quick, he deserved to suffer.” _

_ “Fucker had it coming! He was a murderous piece of trash!” _

She isn’t naive; he had been a poison to the galaxy, one that also floods her own veins, but she can’t stop their hate from pestering her own psyche. They could never have seen what she felt and saw inside of him, the desperate cry for help. He made way too many mistakes and bad choices, he was destined to have to suffer the consequences one day, but not like this. 

While walking out of the hanger with the Falcon in sight just up ahead, Poe Dameron starts walking towards the Wookiee with a slightly aggravated look on his face that melts into one of caring and sorrow as he gets closer. He hasn’t seen Rey since the mess hall, and he has never imagined the day that he would see her have to be carried. 

“Feeling any better?” He is flustered. She can tell that there is a more important topic to follow her response. Immediately her heart starts to ache in fear. This is what she has been afraid of; what the Resistance might think and believe, all the things she can be accused of doing. 

“I’m fine.” The answer is bullshit, but she is granting Poe her consent to start the encounter he was sent to have.

“The council wants to hear from you,” Poe is now looking down at his boots. “They want to know what happened between you and him…”

Butterflies start swarming in her stomach, there is no running from this horror now. 

“When?”

Her answer comes across as confident and undoubtedly faithful, but it's the furthest thing from the truth. Still studying the ground beneath them, she can tell that he personally doesn’t agree with the confrontation, he's just the messenger.

“Commander Connix will be checking in on you before the party starts”

“Party?!”

“Yeah,” he is taken aback by her question. “The bastard is dead, of course we are having a party!”

The dam that is holding back the tears finally breaks. Poe’s face twists into one of confusion before Chewie flashes his fangs and shakes his head at the pilot, telling him to stay back from Rey. 

The reaction is instantaneous as the ace pilot puts up his hands defensively. “Sorry, fur ball. I’m leaving, I’m leaving!” 

Rey is sobbing in her co-pilots arms, just wanting to be away from the crowds and alone aboard her ship.

________________________________

Standing outside her door, Chewie slowly and gently helps Rey back on to her own two feet. His eyes are full of discontent and remorse, she knows he is going to be there for her until she recovers, but she needs her space right now. 

“Go check on Leia, she needs you more than I do right now.” 

It isn’t a request, it's a command. Rey can’t even fathom the pain the general is feeling right now. This was the last person she had left, her own son, gone. Leia has had her own burden to bear as well: no one knew of her connection to the former Supreme Leader, and tonight her army drinks in celebration of his death. No mother should have to bury her own son. 

At first the Wookiee wants to disagree and explain why she needs him, but the topic of Leia does make him hold back his thoughts. Placing his hand in her hair, he gives it a good shuffle before pulling their foreheads together. She could sense his thoughts and knew he would be back tonight with food for her. Ending their embrace she gave the wookie the best smile she could fake before slipping away into her room.

Rey's room wasn't anything distinctive but it was specialized for all of her needs. It was the captain's quarters and according to Chewie it use to be a grand room of the Falcon before Han's personality overtook the ship. When she first inherited the room there was a queen size bed already present for her, it wasn't the most pleasant mattress but it was still delicate for her worn and torn body. The Wookie wasn't even shocked when he had discovered the scavenger fast asleep in what looked to be a comfortless make-shift bed inside what use to be Lando's walk in cape closet. Chewie decided to embrace her choice and one day when Rey had been training with Leia, he removed the queen size bed and installed a workbench for her. It was Perfect! No one had ever done something like this for her. The bedroom now had a sizeable space so she could practice her lightsaber forms and translate the Jedi text with C-3PO. As Resistance members would drink and find kinship within nightly hookups; Rey would be at her workbench tinkering and creating anything she could before escaping into the night inside her protective den, the closet. She even used the closet the proper way as well by hanging what clothing should could in there; the whole setup was very claiming for her. Rey could sense that Poe and Finn found it strange the first time they noticed her setup, it wasn't conventional and worried them, but deep down Rey was still the orphan scavenger from Jakku. There was no way they could or even would change her, so they didn't bring it up.

After kicking her boots off outside of the closet door, the young Jedi laid in her bed with the closet door closed; cutting off the rest of the galaxy, just trying to sleep. In her mind sleep meant avoiding the pain, but no sleep or even a yawn came to her. She did not even notice that she had been toying with her hilt until she almost cut her finger on the shroud for the emitter.

** _"It belongs to me!"_ **

His voice was gonna echo in her mind forever wasn't it? She had finally gotten her wish, the desire and hope that the chains that bonded them together would be broken. She spent countless days and nights yearning to be free of the burden that the Force had created and escape that pain that Ren had caused her. Instead, she would now be pricked by the thorns of failure.

It is her fault. Everything is her fault.

Finn and Rose both barely escaped death, the Resistance was almost destroyed, Luke and Han were both gone, and she helped Kylo Ren become the Supreme Leader of the galaxy. The bloodbath they birthed in that throne room planted the seeds Hux used to destroy him. She made him look like a traitor; she killed him.

Her eyes have turned bloodshot as the hot tears stream down her cheeks again. Everyone probably thought she was training herself so she could rebuild the Jedi order, one the war ended. The idea of carrying on Luke's legacy crossed her mind severally times, being a grand master of the force. The dream was believable, but it was a lie that she even told herself. The truth is she still had hope, she had been holding on for so long, still believing that Ben Solo could have been pulled from the darkness; that she could have been the torch of light to guide him through. Words could never explain what she felt for Ben Solo, it's hard to tell if it was love or just the ability to relate through the years of loneliness. Whatever it is, it didn't matter, he had felt it also. His conflicted soul combined with her drive to escape the isolation of her heart, they forged a connection like no other; and it was gone.

Footsteps echoed through the hall of the Falcon, but Rey could care less who it was because it wasn’t him. Finn entered the bedroom only to find the walk in closet door was shut. "Rey?" She can hear the concern slipping through his voice, but she wasn't ready to admit that a shoulder to cry on would be much appreciated; even if she acted the opposite. Under normal circumstances, Finn was usually the person she wanted to see at a time like this. He was good at lightening the mood and giving support but when it came to how the man felt about his former boss, Finn’s sentiments were not currently shared. “I.. I don’t want any visitors..” It was another lie, the last two years were just full of lies. She didn’t want to talk about him any longer; if she had to hear another statement about how awful or cruel, or evil Ben was; it’d drive her insane.

“I don't know what happened between you two," Finn was now pressing his head against the closet door. "but I'm sorry, I’ve lost people too, I think we all have. but I have a feeling that...that this is.” Rey was now pressing her back against the door as she sat on the floor, listening to the words of her first friend as he continued to talk. “We’re here for you Rey, if you need anything we can provide, we will.” 

The silence raged on for a minute or so before Finn decided it was time to leave, he knew Rey would come find him when she was ready to talk. It didn't really matter how he felt about Kylo Ren, if Hux was telling the truth, than the both of them took out Snoke together; she must have seen something in him for her to even trust him. There was however some disappointment in his heart, It pained him to know that Rey had chosen not to tell him about her short collaboration with the enemy. Finn's mind did wonder what might have happened between her and Kylo to make her silent about it for two years, he was her friend, she could tell him anything. There was only one thing that was obvious to him, this was truly significant; after all, he had never seen her grieve before.

The moments past and Rey still had not moved. Finn’s words spoke volume to her, as if he had moved the clouds that were hiding the light. She had to tell Finn and Leia the truth, it was time to find a way to bury all the lies. This falsehood of her life was crushing her spirit, she would not be undone any longer. Stepping out of the closet the ideas of where Finn might have gone ran across her thoughts. She was going to start at the party and work her way from there until she found him. As Rey bent down to pick up her boots she was hit with a sensation that she had never expected to feel again. It was not the pain in her ribs, nor the shoulder or leg, it was a much sinister feeling that drove the hairs on her neck to stand at attention. The tidal waves were crashing against the sharp rocks of her mind as she was met with the overwhelming touch of **the cold…**

His body was being supported by what looked like a large boulder inside of some cave. She smelt the blood before seeing his uncovered body layered with it, his left hand was reaching across his body pressing a bacta patch on his right abdomen. Her right hand quickly shot to her ribs as well, studying his body, she realized that his open wounds matched the same spots where she was throbbing. Her eyes traveled up his figure stopping on his black jaded eyes, hearing his faint breath as both of them were locked on to each other for the first time in two years.

“Ben?”

The sound of items hitting the floor caught their attention and forced them to face the doorway of her bedroom, where they found Commander Connix lying lifeless on the floor... 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I never thought I would write a scene that would connect to the Last Jedi but damn it I did! Honestly it was the most fun I had writing in a long time, so it was worth it!
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos! It made me write this chapter faster and honestly puts a stupid ass smile on my face!
> 
> Thank you to Bufftat_Junkie for being a great co-writer and letting me know what ideas are good and bad. He always writes a couple of scenes and kills it.
> 
> Special thanks to deadlikemoi and SpaceWaffleHouseTM for being amazing beta readers.
> 
> So chapter 3 will be the first time Kylo and Rey talk in present time! I hope you guys are hooked and let me know what you think! Thank you all!


	3. Chapter 3

**Feed The Wolf **

_ “Well I'm so empty _

_ I'm better off without you and you're better off without me _

_ Well you're so unclean _

_ I'm better off without you and you're better off without me” _

** _“The Bleeding” - Five Finger Death Punch_ **

_ The grand chamber looked out into the galaxy without the red drapes covering the walls, allowing the supreme leader to take in the fleet he commanded within the void of space. It was easy for Kylo to go astray from his daily duties while scanning the passing worlds and stars. He never could stop himself from fantasizing of Vader's planet side conquest of each world fulfilling those dreams himself with each planet the First Order has taken control of. What surprised him was that Vader wasn't the only thing that would cross his mind as his fleet traveled across the black ocean of emptiness. _

** _"You will turn—I’ll help you. I saw it."_ **

_ The distaste and discomfort were now flowing within his connection to the Force. His jaw clenched as the memories of their last encounter probed his mind without permission. He had offered her the galaxy, a chance to reform the universe the way they sought fit, a whole ocean of possibilities; and she rejected him just like his family. Kylo had not realized that he had collapsed deeper into his throne, his right hand shaking on the arm rest. He was being haunted by how she felt in the Force, the warmth that always followed her. It was claiming, and it enraged him. He was sure that his presence in the Force had morphed the atmosphere in the room as his Praetorian guards shifted their stance as their anxiety was starting to rise because of his unpredictable nature. _

_ Six warriors, with three on each side of his throne, guarded the supreme leader of the galaxy; they looked just like the Praetorian guards that he had fought himself with the support of his uncle's last student. Instead of the crimson armor worn when his master was leading the First Order, they now wear black, bonded together with a blood stained kyber crystal to match his now repaired mask. _

_ His mask. _

_ His knights were agitated and confused when he had decided to use Vader's burnt helmet to reconstruct his own, but for the first time the mask felt like it belonged to him, and not some piece to channel his grandfather. It was imperfect yet beautiful, broken yet steady. His mask ultimately hid him and only allowed his behavior to be revealed, fractured, yet powerful. _

_ If it wasn't for the Force, Kylo would not have noticed General Hux enter his chamber, as he did any other day, with two stormtroopers nervously escorting the redheaded extremist. The tension between the two leaders had grown to a point where both men found the other to be unbearable, only speaking to each other when absolutely necessary, but this didn't stop the fallen Jedi from trying to get under the general's skin. The public humiliation that Kylo brought to Hux in front of his own troops brought great joy to his dark heart. Tossing him around with the Force anytime the man got on his nerves, or even slightly talked back to him, it was a pleasure Kylo never realized he needed until becoming Supreme Leader. Honestly, it was payback for the way the pale man treated him when both of them were under Snoke's rule. He always felt that Hux was trying to upstage him, trying to prove why he was more valuable to Snoke and his leadership, but the general no longer bowed to Snoke. Underneath his mask an enigmatic smile was forming as he tilted his head back, watching the redheaded man kneel before his throne. _

_ “General?” The authority in his voice was easily heard as the distortion from the mask echoed in the chamber. _

_ "Supreme Leader," Hux had the habit of never looking up directly at the fallen Jedi when he bowed before him, "we have confirmation; your Knights are returning from the beyond." _

_ Eyes wided behind the mask as Kylo shifted in his royal seat. He had ordered his Knights to search for the source of Snoke's power shortly after the battle of Crait; it was clear that there was more mysteries to that monster. Their return could only mean the discovery of something. His fingers were now tapping the end of his arm rest as the disbelief of their return was truly starting to sink in. _

_ "I also bring news of something even greater than yourself," he fixed his gaze to the man who had disgraced and degraded him for the last two years, "Supreme Leader..." _

_ These words caught Kylo’s undivided attention but he was immediately cut off by both troopers, standing behind Hux, lifting their blasters at the supreme leader. _

_ Coup d'état. _

_ Jumping from his throne, he shot up his right hand, freezing the blaster bolts inside both weapons causing them to explode along with the hands that held them. Kylo heard the hum from his guards’ bladed weapons springing to life, the blades whirling and whining. A moment later and the guards were on him. He shifted his feet and managed to ignite his wheel of red fire to protect himself as two vibro blades went to strike him. He hadn’t seen their attack coming—but the Force had warned him. Lifting his left hand, he force-pushed the rest of the guards away and quickly, with all his strength, he lifted his block above his head, knocking both vibro blades away from the guards as the blades spun in the air. _

_ Snip. _

_ With one slash, he took off the heads of the two weaponless guards standing in front of him. _

_ The chains had been broken, and the beast was finally free to confront its prey. His excitement rose at the idea of slaughtering everyone in the room, hearing the call of violence, the wolf was ready to feed. He felt the guards' coldness, mixed with their determination. This attempt on his life had been planned for awhile, Hux would pay dearly for this. He risked a look at the general... _

_ Where's Hux? _

_ A shuddering gasp left Kylo’s lips, but it was distorted to the sound of static as his ears began ringing. Blinded by his rage and his hunger, he hadn't noticed the pale man sneak up behind him. Hux had expertly jammed a sharp blade in between two of his lower ribs on his right side, twisting the blade with a growing smile spreading across his face. _

_ Hux had waited two long years for that moment; all the torment and shame, was fueling him to not only chain the beast down but to strangle the creature until it died. Proud of his surprise attack on the Force sensitive man, he would not stop himself from gloating. _

_ “Long live the supreme leader....” _

_ Kylo, twisting his whole body to face his betrayer, swinging his lightsaber wildly desperately trying to take the man's life. Hux fell to the floor, barely ducking the unstable sword and began frantically crawling away. The fallen Jedi couldn't pursue the general or remove the dagger still firmly placed within his ribs, he heard the clatter of armor as the four remaining guards charged the supreme leader. Using the Force, he lifted the two vibro blades from the decapitated guards and launched them into the oncoming attack, spearing two guards directly into their skulls, killing them instantly. _

_ The remaining two guards rushed Kylo at once, a whip and a vicious ax flashing. The whip locked around the blade of his lightsaber, its segments sparking and flashing, but he wrestled it free and batted the ax away. The guard's ax struck sparks on the floor, leaving its wielder defenseless. Seeing an opportunity to even the numbers, he reached out with his hand and shoved the guard with the whip backward with the Force, then found himself spinning in the other direction facing the guard who was now scrambling for a way to defend himself. _

_ Kylo was about to send the guard into oblivion when Hux began firing his SE-44C at the supreme leader. The blaster was no match for the force sensitive warrior as he just deflected the shot back into the general’s arm, forcing him to drop the weapon. Kylo's focus had to shift again, letting the Force direct him, allowing it to make him its instrument. He felt the electro-whip, crackling with energy, being directed at him. His eyes didn’t track the coiling tip of the whip, but his lightsaber was there to deflect it. The whip, however, was wrapped around his saber again, and this time the guard had the advantage. Slowly the guard was pulling him towards his end, and he had no way to escape. With no distance between them now, the guard shoved the repaired mask off of his head before wrapping his armored glove around his throat. Kylo was able to see the other guard lifting the virbo blades from the skulls of his fallen comrades as the room was now filled with the laughter of the general. _

_ He could not die like this. _

_ He would not die like this. _

_ Without hesitation he snatched the dagger from his rib, allowing his blood to escape onto the floor. The guard was not able to defend himself as he slammed the dagger into his throat; the exposed area between the chest plate and helmet. Both weapons fell to the floor as the guard stumbled backwards before collapsing into nothingness, but Kylo was already on the defense. The last remaining guard rushed at him with those deadly blades, not giving him time to retrieve his weapon. He tried to anticipate his attacker's movement, using the Force to warn him where his blades would be, but the guard was faster than he thought. He just barely dodged a slash at his face; it was too much. Even with the Force his body could only keep up for so long... _

_ He was tiring. _

_ Kylo’s right leg buzzed and stung as the guard slashed at his leg, only to cut deep into the skin. Falling on his back, the guard was now standing over him, lifting his blades to finish the supreme leader. _

_ The guard never saw it coming…. _

_ Crumbling to his knees, the guard was only able to look down, seeing the unstable fire burning in his chest. Kylo simply stood and walked behind the other man, admiring his work, before collecting his hilt from the guard’s back.  _

_ ‘No weapon could equal the power of the Force.’ _

_ Only one sheep left to slaughter.  _

_ It was time to finish this game with Hux and set the example for the entire First Order. It would take more than this small attempt to overthrow him. Kylo turned to face where he last saw the general, but over 100 stormtroopers had entered the room and were now standing in support of his new enemy. _

_ This was bigger than he thought  _

_ “Kill the traitor!” _

_ Hellfire was unleashed. Kylo froze what he could before the rest of the bolts neared him. Even with the Force, it was too much to handle, he was only able to deflect so much. He fell to one knee as a bolt made contact with his left shoulder, the room was now spinning and the buzzing in his ears was getting worse.  _

** _‘You win this battle, Hux.’_ **

_ The only option he had was to get to his emergency escape pod and hope the Force would protect him from the cruisers’ cannons. He was practically limping to the pod’s entrance, his blood smearing on the black floor, doing anything he could to protect himself from the oncoming assault.  _

_ “Avenge your Supreme Leader! Kill this Resistance worm!” _

_ He was using the Force to throw the lifeless bodies of the guards at the army of troopers trying to take his life. It was just enough for him to reach the escape door. Entering the pod, he saw the gears turning in Hux’s head; he hadn’t accounted for the escape pod and was trying to order the cruiser to prepare the ION cannons. _

_ Too late… _

_As the pod blasted away from the cruiser, Kylo reached for his spare com link hidden within the pod. He did not waste any time, quickly sending his emergency SOS to a source deep within the galaxy before blacking out into the cold embrace of the darkness and feeling the sensation of something he hadn’t felt in two years… _**_the_** **_warmth_**_._

____________________________________________________________________________________

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

Rey would never be able to hate the feeling of water running down her skin, she was a rat from a desert planet, the touch of water is one of the very few things she passionately enjoys. Rey was twisting her wrist just trying to make the binds connecting her to the metal table as comfortable as she could. She has no idea how long she has been in the interrogation room now, all she knows is that the dripping had started ten minutes ago... 

or was that ten hours ago? 

Her concept of time is being eluded as the only thing that can grasp her attention are the cool droplets exploding as they hit the hard surface of her head. It doesn't matter how long she has been trapped in isolation, she is just concerned for Commander Connix. Everything happened so fast, it’s been beyond overwhelming. 

He was alive!

Feeling his presence through the bond had been bone chilling, and it had took the breath from her lungs. When he appeared right in front of her, she had to fight the temptation to touch him immediately, just to see if it was truly him. The fact that he was sitting in front of her was mind blowing enough; they both had been blocking each other out, but to see that he was alive! This whole thing has been wicked nightmare she secretly wanted with the added news of his death. The thoughts of Connix collapsing start to replay in her mind, deep down Rey knows how bad it must have looked, the Resistance’s hero talking to the enemy. It only vindicates Hux’s claims about the murder of Snoke. From the moment Connix hit the floor, her wellbeing has been a constant thought in Rey’s mind. After all, she can not help but feel responsible for this whole mess. In the end, it is going to cost her.

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

When she brought the commander to the med bay, she was pressed with questions about how this happened. She told them the truth, she admitted to the droids that the commander walked in on her conversation with Kylo Ren. The words just escaped her lips without a thought or any regret. It was unclear to her if she did it because it was ‘the right thing to do’ or if she was just trying to escape the burden of this painful lie. This secret had finally hurt someone not involved, and it was time to burn everything down. It wasn’t long after her confession that Finn was sent to fetch her and bring her in for integration. They don’t speak and she couldn’t blame him, she could hope was that her friends and the Resistance would understand. The concept of screaming and breaking down had crossed her mind, but she stayed silent and true; this was her mistake and she would own up to it all.

The only positive thing about the situation was that her mind wasn’t as focused in on the pain still throbbing in her body. Her ribs have been burning after carrying Connix to the medbay, not to mention making her left leg sore for having to overcompensate for the other injuries. The pure adrenaline blinded her from the pain and allowed her to push through. Still, even with all this madness, she can’t keep herself from wondering if her injuries are somehow connected to Kylo’s. His injuries seem to have match the spots where she is feeling the pain. If true, the bond has grown stronger in the last two years.

Her attention shifts as the metal door, separating her room from the rest of the base, is starting to creak open. Stepping inside the room is Snap Wexley, one of the newest members of the Resistance council, along with a blonde woman she has never seen before.

"How is Kaydel?! Is she alright?"

Snap didn’t respond, he just simply places his data pad on the table before taking a seat directly in front of her as the blonde moves to the corner of the room. Rey doesn’t need the Force to sense how nervous the man is; he is trying to avoid eye contact with her at all costs. They sit in silence for a few moments, she can feel the anxiety in the room between the three of them. 

Until something shifts in Snap.

His courage was now building and before she knew it, he is picking up his data pad before leaning back in the chair, and keeping all of his focus on her.

"Want anything? A drink, uh...snacks?"

Rey simply shook her head as the words "no thank you" whisper out of her lips.

He shrugs.

"Suit yourself," as he gestures with his hand at the woman.

"Bring me a jug of water and two glasses, please." He smiles at her and nods slightly before turning his attention back to the Jedi.

"I told you I don't want anything," but Snap just sits quietly in his seat, one leg crossed over the other, observing the scavenger from Jakku as the woman leaves the room. 

"You didn't answer my question." It is an attempt to break the ice, but to also have her question answered. 

"Commander Connix is fine." The answer is quick and harsh, very to the point. 

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

There is some immediate relief within Rey, she feels the weight of the situation being lifted off her shoulders. Now she can focus on explaining to everyone what happened two years ago. As she is about to speak the door creaks open as the blonde woman finally returns and sets a jug of water down on the table, just in front of Rey, and a mug to go with it. She smiles at her, turns, and exits the room. When the door closes, Snap stands to pour drinks for both of them.

"So, Rey. Tell me, what you do for fun."

"What?"

The question catches her by surprise. How is this relevant to the discussion?

"What you do for fun?" He repeats the question as he pulls out his chair to sit back in front of her.

She can see the determination in his eyes, his presence in the Force has completely solidified and his goal materialized into one hunting thought. The Resistance Council doesn’t trust her anymore. Rey looks at the reflective glass at the end of the room; as if to search for help from the people watching on the other side. It was happening, all the fears Rey has had because of this bond, are becoming a reality.

She is now a traitor to the Resistance.

"I... uh... I don't see why that question is relevant here." She turns her attention back to her newly revealed interrogator.

A visible frown is forming on Snap’s face and she can feel some guilt slipping into his presence. He doesn’t want to be the one to interrogate her. In fact, she is beginning to sense that he does not believe she is the enemy, but he’s only one of the leaders of this Resistance. He reaches out and pushes her cup of water towards hers, insisting.

"Please, help yourself."

Rey grabs the glass as best as she can with her wrists being bonded to the table and with a shaky hand forces herself to drink. She can not help herself from looking past Snap and focusing in on the reflective glass again. She can feel the Resistance leaders outside of the room, a mixture of anger and disappointment along with some hostility. There is disagreement among the group. They can’t really believe she is a traitor, can they? 

She truly believes in the Resistance and its mission, it’s cause. She is willing to sacrifice her life for that cause. Her whole life she believed her purpose was to live and die in the desert, scavenging for just enough food and dreaming of the day her family would return. The Resistance saved her life, gave her a purpose, and allowed her to finally see that she was more than the drinking money her parents sold her for. She turned down the galaxy for their cause, and now she is going to be thrown away again.

"There's no one watching; it's just us."

His lie forces her to lock eyes with him again, there is no going back now.

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

"I’ve done what the Resistance has asked me to do," the tone in her voice is starting to raise as she can no longer hide her emotions. 

“Everything I have done is for the Resistance. I helped build this base, I was the only one doing missions for months, and I train every day to become a better Jedi for the Resistance. Why are you treating me as if I am a part of the First Order?!"

"What do you do for fun?"

"Fuck you!" It is a scream that has wanted to escape her chest since she was offered the galaxy.

"No one ever sees you around after missions or with the rest of the soldiers at gatherings. Hell, we barely see you at debriefings or at the fucking mess hall!" His hands are now pressed against the table as he's attempting to lean over her from the other side.

"How long have you been commutating with Kylo Ren?!" He is now matching her scream with one of his own. The trust has been broken.

“I haven’t!” She can no longer feel the drops of water hitting her skin.

“Why did you lie about murdering Snoke!?”

She can feel the tears starting to build in her eyes, no longer feeling anyone’s presence in the Force; just a new, dark, ominous presence that she had felt before.

but not since the island, not since the cave.

“I know the answer! You wanted him to become Supreme Leader! So you helped him?!” 

“That’s not how it happened!” Her heart feels like it is about to explode as it beats uncontrollably, not allowing her to breathe.

“Didn’t think you guys would get caught, huh? How many people have you two killed while you're in cahoots? How many people have died because of you?!”

** _It calls to her again._ **

Everything in the room becomes a blur at that moment; she can feel the heat rising in her body as sweat is now pouring down her face, mixing with the hot tears from her eyes before falling onto the table. The chemical reaction in her body is the only thing keeping her from noticing that she had sent Snap flying into the reflective glass that was behind him. 

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

** _Drip._ **

___________________________________________________________________________________

  
  


She had spent so many nights in the deserts of Jakku, an orphan without a future, living in the half-buried wreckage of a forgotten war she had never seen. Rey would mark each night with a new scratch in the metal until she was surrounded by thousands of lines representing the false hope of her desires. All those marks on the walls became rows upon rows of reality, a reality she didn’t want to accept; she would end up like the rest of the people on Jakku, alone and abandoned. Deep down Rey always knew it, the fear had always been there, eroding her hope and whispering that awful truth, she would wind up like everything on Jakku—a shell that was empty and purposeless. She had felt so alone all those nights on Jakku but never as alone she was feeling sitting in this cell, her cell, surrounded by the white walls that are suffocating what little hope she has left.

  


She belongs here.

  


She is a monster for allowing herself to feel the call of the dark side and lashing out at Snap. The weight of her actions are weighing heavy on her heart, in just one day she has lost everything she had fought for in the last two years: her friends, her home, her purpose. Anything that has any value of significance to her has now been destroyed, all because of a lie, because she thought she saw something in him; a vague future.

  


There was only one thing left to do. She needed answers.

  


Rey was now scanning the room for any cameras before looking out the window of her cell door to see if guards were coming, the only thing she could see was a clock placed inside of the hallway itself reading off the time of 10:58 P.M; she is in the clear. Sitting back on the floor, her back pressed against the wall, she knew who she has to talk to. It's a conversation that was two years overdue, she needs to know about what had happened between them and what is going on with her body now; both physically and mentally. He understands how solitude and loss can eat away at you until there is nothing left, and he has some explaining to do.

  


Resting her forehead on her knees after wrapping her arms around them, she closed her eyes and began searching for his presence in the Force. Rey has never tried to establish the connection before, and didn’t know if it was even within the bounds of possibility, but she wasn’t willing to wait for the Force to arrange their next session. At first there was nothing, the bond was barren and maimed, and the disappointment was starting to build inside of her. Was he blocking her out? It shouldn't be a surprise to her, after all, they spent the last two years blocking each other. Still, she couldn't stop the dejection from spreading across her soul. Feeling the thorns of rejection, she was about to call off the search when she began feeling the tidal wave of his storm crash against her mind, his presence was building within the bond as the hairs on her neck are starting to stand with the overbearing touch of **the cold....**

  


The connection between them is so raw and powerful that it reminds her of touching a live wire in the wreckage of a starship. Lifting her head she saw him, he was now wearing a black shirt that was always standard in his outfit, still pressing his hand on his ribs. She didn’t ignore the surge that flowed through her at the sight of him but couldn’t dwell on it, she had only a limited amount of time before she was caught. Placing her hands on the floor, getting ready to stand, she was caught off guard by feeling a sensation of heat wrapping around her fingers and scraping across her palms. Looking down she couldn’t help by grab a handful of...

  


‘Sand!?’

  


Allowing it to pour out of her hand as she released her grasp of the all to familiar terrain. She eyed Kylo, only to be met with his confusion as well. Bolting up off the ground, looking in all directions, Rey was now watching the white walls of the room slowly twist and breakdown before shaping itself into lifeless dry desert; just like the ones on...

  


“Is this Jakku?”

  


His question pulled her thoughts back to reality as she was allowing herself get lost in the mysteries of the Force. She had felt the power of the Force bleed through her veins and the overbearing sensation of visual gateways to both the past and future, but this, this power was more; it was immeasurable. Taking deep breaths, the scavenger within her was about to embark on a hunt like no other; salvaging for answers within the bond and the Force itself.

  


“What’s going on," She didn’t mean to come across as rude or heartless but this whole day has been one bad shipwreck and she was ready for answers. "What happened to you and why am I feeling it?!”

  


He was pacing around her, staring off into the endless desert. “So... you are doing this.” Pointing his finger at the wide open desert before peering at her, she can see how curious he is at both her statement and their current surroundings; but it also feels like he is playing his mind games with her. She would have to fight for her answers.

  


“Can you please answer my question!” This was now the second time today that somehow avoided what she asked, it’s getting annoying, and she knew he could sense her impatience.

  


“What were you thinking about when the connection started?” He sounded like a student contemplating an interesting problem—and expecting her to work as his partner to solve it. His games haven't changed at all in the last two years, still thinking he can force her to play along. It was infuriating to her but he didn’t care, making her view his back as he continues his research.

  


“Answer my fucking question!” The sound of her angry finally got his attention.

  


“Excuse me," She didn’t expect him to close the distance between them as quickly as he did. "This goes both ways, besides, you ignored my question first."

  


He was now towering over her, just like he had in the elevator two years ago. He looks horrible and beyond exhausted, she was just now noticing the bruises across his face along with how much longer his hair has gotten. She was sure he would be able to feel her embarrassment and excitement being this close to him again; however, the regret for raising her voice at him was consuming the bond itself smothering the rest of the sensations. The regret had also decided to paint itself across her face, as she was about to apologize for her outburst; Kylo cut cut her off.

  


“Hux attacked me. He knows that I killed Snoke," he has chosen to turn his back to her again as he bent down, grunting in pain. "I’m assuming... he used it as an excuse to attempt a takeover."

  


She didn't notice that he was removing his glove during the statement to feel the sand between his fingers, only seeing the hand once the man threw the sand back into the ground and turning to her finally give her his full attention.

  


That hand...

  


Her mind was now being probed with the memories of when she welcomed him with her touch years ago, the touch that made her life into a disaster. Gazing up from his hand she accidently locked in with those dark jaded eyes, and the butterflies began to soar in her stomach. She had to look away, at one point she was sure those eyes had been full of life and happiness but have only been replaced with disappear and bitterness.

  


"We..." She bit her bottom lip once the whisper was a fugitive to the wind. Kylo's only reaction was to quirk an eyebrow in her direction, already anticipating the rest of the sentence.

  


"He knows that... uh... that we killed Snoke."

  


He simply nodded at her statement and seemed to accept the oncoming silence that should follow those remarks, but Rey wasn't ready to be silent.

  


"Take off your shirt."

  


Processing her sentence late, she could not stop her body from betraying her. Bright red cheeks are now burning her face as she was lowering her head in embarrassment, that demand could never be taken back. His eyes lit up and that Solo smirk was starting to emerge from the shadows, one filled with satisfaction, he didn't even have to try and torment her on that; she was doing it herself.

  


"Force... No... I just... I just need to see your wounds."

  


He gave a sarcastic sigh "Miss the view already?" Pulling his shirt over his head, he was allowing a few grunts of pain to escape his lips before he continued to mock "It's only been a few hours since you last saw this masterpiece."

  


She didn't even hear the last part of his witty remark, as she was studying the location of all his future scars. There was no denying it; the remains of his battle are matching the location of where she is feeling pain, his pain? The only question she didn't have was about the strength of their bond, it clearly has gotten stronger. If this new anomaly wasn't enough proof, the fact that her prison cell had transformed into a desert was.

  


"It's not fair that i'm the only one standing here shirtless."

  


She could hear the smirk in his sentence and she didn't even try to hide her displeasure in the force.

  


"Look, I'm trying to figure out what's going on," She was sick of his games, lying to everyone about this bond, and that fact that she failed to realize that he only used her to become Supreme Leader. "So if you are not going to help can you at least be quiet."

  


The fallen Jedi was just glaring at her as his twisted grin was slowly fading from his face. Without a reply, he began pulling his shirt back on, and was now walking a few feet away from her before finding a place to sit on the sandy ground. His stubbornness was identical to both of his parents, except instead of being headstrong for a worthy cause, he has chosen to just be an asshole.

  


This game is over.

  


"What are you doing?" she was closing the gap between them again "I wasn't finished!" She was now standing over him as he was still sitting on the ground. He didn't speak, or even look up at her, he just sat in silence with his eyes closed. The Force was starting to rearrange and adjust itself around him, the bond was now flowing with his untamed energy.

  


“Ben?”

  


“That’s my old name," Only opening his eyes to stare off into the endless desert around them. “And if you don’t mind, I'm trying to concentrate.”

  


“On what?!” throwing her hands up in disgust. What could be more important than figuring out what was happening to them

  


"Ending this connection," His eyes are piercing through hers, the confusion he had moments ago have now been replaced with a deep resolve. "I'm getting out of this fucking desert, and getting away from you."

  


That remark was full of poison, venom working its way to her heart. It was like she was being gutted, her mind was cycling through emotions faster than a child flipping through com channels on a starship. The only person who understands her seat of emotions, wants nothing to do with her.

  


“I know what I have to do.”

  


Suddenly there was a spike in the force, demanding her to ignore the rejection, as she was feeling his interest quicken at that last moment; launching himself into her mind. That was what he wanted, he was trying to catch her off guard. Rey was trying to blank her mind, to shut him out, to fight him off.

  


Nothing was working, he was digging deeper.

  


“It’s still your greatest weakness,” to busy trying to stop him; she didn’t notice that he was now standing, but was also circling her like a wolf on the hunt. “Still searching for that belonging; in Han Solo, Skywalker… Me”

  


“Get out!”

  


Her walls are crumbling with each impact from the unpredictable waves of his storm, she was just trying to hold back his assault. His skills have grown greatly since Star Killer base, as Rey was unable to push back against him—his mere presence threatened to overwhelm her. 

  


“You don’t even see it do you? The pattern keeps repeating.” He was behind her, she could feel both of his hands now resting on her shoulders. “When the resistance is done with you; they will throw you away like garbage,” his mouth was now closing in next to her right ear. “Just like your parents.”

  


The walls are crashing against the shore line. Her mind was in his control now.

  


_“‘Why did you save me?’”_

  


The question was one that was not spoken out loud, it was spoken between them, within the confines of her mind. She knew he had felt question bounce against the walls of the bond, She needed to know the truth about what happened in that throne room; she needed to be free of this pain. 

  


_“‘Isn’t it obvious?’”_

  


He was searching for a memory deep within the bond, she could sense it now. He wasn’t interested in their conversation or her emotions. He had scorched her soul and was walking through the fire to find what he came for.

  


_“‘Give me an honest answer! I deserve that much!’”_

  


His irritation was rising and rushing through the bond. Rey could feel him in her head, his consciousness a live, hungry thing, carelessly sifting and sorting through what wasn’t his, what he had no right to. 

  


_“‘Ask me an honest question and I will.’”_

  


**_“Or have you always known?… and you just hidden it away”_**

  


Rey was trying to find the strength to deny him, to shove him out of her mind and away forever. But the words from the throne room just kept repeating in her mind. She knew why he did it, she did know the truth—and it was the same as her greatest fear, the one that had haunted her for so long and could never find refuge from.

  


_“‘Do I mean anything to you?’”_

  


It was an honest question she had been hiding.

  


_“‘Your still so lonely … so desperate to end your misery, to stop the bleeding,’”_

  


She was fighting to keep her emotions contained, fearing that if she released them even for a moment they would devour her and sweep her away.

  


He found what he wanted

  


Suddenly the presence of the bond was broken and the flow between them was now fading away. The sand was sinking beneath them as the dry desert was shifting violently around them. He was doing this; he saw how she opened the connection, so he could close it. She found herself on the floor of her cell, writhing in pain, overtaken by adrenaline. The white walls were the last thing reforming as she gazed up to see that his eyes had softened and were now full of empathy.

  


“I won’t be your tourniquet.”

  


He was gone… and she was back in her cell. Quickly she ran to the door, looking out the window to see if anyone had heard all the commotion. Scanning the hallway all she could see was the time, 11:00 P.M.

  


_‘That's not possible…’ _

  


There was no time to process anything, as the steps of her former comrades are now filling the hallway. Rey ran to the other side of the room, sitting and crossing her legs in a mediation position before the door could creak open.

  


She sensed the bad news before Poe could even speak the sentence into existence. The only people that had supported her within the council was Poe and Leia, but it wasn’t enough. Her emotions are now running wild within the force, Rage poured out of her, and a near-malignant cruelty—a lust to deform and destroy everything around her, to blot it out and erase it. Those emotions weren’t the most powerful ones, it was her pain and fear that are. 

  


“But there is another way.”

  


Her energy was shifting as she allowed herself to look upon the eyes of the man delivering her fate.

  


“Bring us to Kylo Ren…”

  
  
  
  
  
---  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! I promise you this is a Reylo story, lol! It’s going to be a very slow burn but I promise you there will be Reylo goodness in this story! 
> 
> The chapter is heavily inspired by the Song “The Bleeding” by Five Finger Death Punch. The song itself has an acoustic version that fits Rey as the normal version fits Kylo. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all the support on the first two chapters! It truly means a lot to me and I can’t wait to get started on chapter 4.
> 
> Thank you Bufftat_junkie as always! Great dude and helps me out all the time!
> 
> Also thank you deadlikemoi for the beta read! 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


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